Civil War of the Autistics

Hey I'm back. I notice how there can be a lot of heat between autistics amongst themselves. I use to go to this autistic chat room all the time. Then it started going down the drain. The room started braking up and "cliques" would make there own chat rooms, including me as well. I got my own chat room away from all the jerks in the main chat. For the longest time there been heat btw the clique I'm in and the other clique. My pal, one of my best friends from the chat is neutral. She doesn't like the fighting that's going on. It often upsets her. Another thing i often feel different then most autistics in the main chat. I also feel different then other autistics in this other autistic channel i go too. I often avoid main autistic chats because I feel more autistic then them. They seem so much more mature and well more normal. I'm different. I'm still like a kid and have weird obsessions and interests. I'm very sensitive and rather sheltered. Many autistics in the main chat don't show that. My friend gets at me about how i can't tell over the computer who is autistic or not. I just wish she understood were i was coming from. I mean she is autistic too. Well most likely she is. She isn't DX yet. Anyways yes she doesn't like it. She things i judge. I'm trying not too. I'm just feel low about myself and feel i cant be myself even in an autistic room. She wants me to be myself though. If i complain about how I'm a loser and how uncool,and call other auties cooler then me she gets upset. I still don't get why. She says i don't get it :( I don't know but anyways that's how i feel about this whole autistic chat things. May seem childish to a lot of you and its just a chat not that important. Not an important part of life. But if i ever do go to a REAL autistic group and its like the bullies in the chat or like the higher functioning auties i will feel rather uneasy. I feel a lot of people are better then me. It makes me envy and even hate. I know that's wrong. It is. I don't want to hate i rather be kind. Its just hard to love others when its hard to love myself. Now i know what people mean by i need to love myself before others... This is just my problem though. The main chat is divided with silly cliques and me and some of my buddies get bullied by other autistics its sad. I think it may because they feel bad about themselves so they want to bully others. Its sad. I wonder how these autistics are like in real life and if they were bullied a lot in there lives too. Also maybe they don't know how to act. Autistics tend to have trouble with social life. So do i and one of my biggest social axcieties is feel scared around people how i feel are so much better then me. But really we are all the same i just feel like im the lowest often. So yea i dont only feel uncomfy around NTs (normal people) i often feel like that around other autisitcs, and if not more! Because the can be normal despite there condition and i can't.... Well anyways don't want to bore you guys. So I'm gonna get going see ya all next time!!